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Marriage Counseling Family Therapy Indianapolis

Tuesday
Jan 06th
CTS Counseling Center
Baby Horoscopes Print E-mail
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Baby Horoscopesbetter4 min - Jan 17, 2008Can knowing your baby's horoscope help you become a better parent? Better TV's Juli Auclair gets some helpful tips from Parents Magazine.More info.... (http://video.google.com/url?docid=-6468480051963147989&esrc=rss_searchfeed&ev=v&len=229&q=parent+magazine&srcurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DpjtXqgoJSSs&vidurl=http%3A%2F%2Fvideo.google.com%2Fvideoplay%3Fdocid%3D-6468480051963147989%26q%3Dparent%2Bmagazine&usg=AL29H23tXLSNuzDZyPvVLxpNUKoYrFOOaQ) Because I see children, I am often asked questions about parenting. Some are very specific, asking about how to handle a behavioral issue like anger or doing homework. Other times, the questions are more general and it feels like the parent is looking for my approval. Without actually asking the question, they are wondering, “Am I doing it right”, “Will my child be harmed because I work?” or here’s what Tommy or I did in response to this situation- “Are we normal?” It seems that our ideas of good parenting are shaped by many different influences. Of course , our parents’ ideas of parenting shape our own but things were so different when we were children that it is hard to compare. Men weren’t expected to be as involved, if they were involved at all and fewer women were in the workforce. Society shapes our ideas of what is expected now but messages may be mixed depending on one’s social or economic surroundings. At times, especially with middle class families, parenting feels like a competition. My child got into this school or plays this sport competitively or is in these extracirricullar activities. Grades and test scores become public know ledge and at times feel more like a reflection of the parents’ performance than the child. The above discussion doesn’t even address yet another complication. The parent who was poorly parented and knows they want to do things differently but does not have a close role model. How does one know the best way to parent? Assuming that there are no problems with physical, verbal or sexual abuse and your child is safe, here are some guidelines to assure a parent that they are doing it right. 1. There is no RIGHT way to do it. All parents do the best they can given their own stage of development.2. There is no PERFECT parent, nor should a parent try to be perfect. In fact, according to researcher D.W. Winnicott, it is imperative that we fail our children at times so that they develop resilience and skills to take care of themselves in the real world.3. What is important, according to Winnicott is that we be a GOOD ENOUGH parent. This means meeting the needs of the child enough so that they understand that in general, the world is a reliable place and that others can be trusted.4. This goal can be accomplished whether you work or stay home. A parent who is dissatisfied with their own situation will project this disatisfaction on to their children and won’t be as emotionally available.5. Be intentional about the values that you want to pass along to your children and model them in your life.6. Provide firm and consistent discipline. Children need their parents to be parents and not permissive friends.Be open to other’s way s of parenting and recognize that there is no one way of doing it. Follow your intuition and do the best you can. If you call to schedule a couples therapy session, here is what you should expect. An initial appointment will be scheduled and it is important that both members of the couple attend. The initial session or two will involve taking a history. I will ask about the current problem and any precipitating factors. A complete history of the couple relationship will be taken. I will also take a history of each individual partner and their family of origin. This information will be used in a subsequent analysis. I use an Imago style approach to couples therapy. This means that one of the primary areas of focus will be an evaluation of unmet needs in childhood from one's early caretakers. The theory suggests that we unconsciously choose mates who we hope can fill our unmet childhood needs while at the same time provide some familiarity (both positive and negative) with the way we were raised. How we react to those in our most intimate relationships are therefore highly influenced by how we were raised. Naming, understanding and bringing these expectations to the forefront help understand partners' behaviors towards each other and hopefully allow the couple enough empathy to change the way they react to each other. As in other types of therapy, progress goals will be set and the length of therapy depends on the effort and progress made by the couple.

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